“This is as true in everyday life as it is in battle: we are given one life and the decision is ours whether to wait for circumstances to make up our mind, or whether to act, and in acting, to live.”
Omar Bradley
So I want to try and post at least three times a week and at least put an acting quote, if nothing else. (This one isn't exactly acting, but oh well, it applies.)
I've been back in Australia for a week today and it's already been a bit of a rollercoaster. At least my team won the superbowl; woo hoo! I do really wish I was in America for it to experience the excitement of it all; I don't have anyone to share it with here.
It's pilot season right now, and Tony asked me to read some scripts with him over the weekend in preparation for it. I was so utterly and completely honored and excited that he asked. It was so fun and exciting to get to see the scripts that could actually turn into hit tv shows. There were a couple I really liked. I was honoured, after we read the scripts he said how I got them and understood the beat and feel of them and was able to feed back to him and keep up with the pace on the cold read and everything. That's one of those special things that I will keep in my head in my little treasure trove of compliments that I really need and that I go back to when I'm feeling really down and shitty, like I am today.
Anyway, Monday we had a workshop with Faith Martin the casting director and it was really great. (Coincidentally, she does the Australian casting for all ABC pilots.) It was really inspiring; it had to do with a lot of the positive thinking things I believe in, and it helped with breaking down into action plans things I can be doing now to reach my goals. It reinforced positive thinking and the power of the brain; which reinforces that I shouldn't be typing these negative things and focusing on them, but hopefully once I get it out of my system I can get past it?
I had a scene I was really excited to do in class today, and it seemed like the teacher kind of hated it. I did it and it didn't feel at all great but not that terrible either, and he said how he couldn't see any merit in the scene, he didn't laugh, and he didn't see any point in doing it again. I did end up doing it again and it felt so crap; he said it was better though. The thing was that the second time talking about it afterward, he was talking about the beats and comic timing things I could have done with it. It was so sad and frustrating; the first time I felt like I had wasted a precious class time to 1, get to work on a scene I wanted to do and challenge and grow or at least have fun with, and 2, put it on tape in case it turned out to be useful. After the first time I thought the comic beats I had been so excited about were just pointless and didn't work in this setting, and then after the second time when he was talking about the physical comedy I had wanted to do all along I wanted to cry and I've been fighting it off all day. Not the biggest deal I know, and not something I should want to do, but oh well. It didn't help that lots of other people in class worked on multiple scenes, and usually I have like ten with me, (no joke, at least five, but sometimes more than ten,) and I'm trying to downsize and simplify and not be a bag lady so I didn't bring any other scripts. AUGH.
There was one other thing that really made me sad and disappointed before that, but I don't think I should write about it because you never know who could be reading this. Something I had been hoping and working for that I thought I had a chance at didn't happen, and I thought someone believed in me in a way it turns out they didn't. I suppose it's a lesson to grow my belief in myself, which is what I need the most.
I'm doubting my performance skills in so many areas, and I'm wondering if I am falling behind and losing my business and marketing skills, and taking the wrong path in life. I don't think I am, and I have truly believed without a doubt that I will reach my goals and win my Emmy for a comedy (that's just the first step,) but it's reasons like this the path of an actor is never an easy one.
I'm facing the biggest disease and enemy an actor can have - self doubt.
Omar BradleySo I want to try and post at least three times a week and at least put an acting quote, if nothing else. (This one isn't exactly acting, but oh well, it applies.)
I've been back in Australia for a week today and it's already been a bit of a rollercoaster. At least my team won the superbowl; woo hoo! I do really wish I was in America for it to experience the excitement of it all; I don't have anyone to share it with here.
It's pilot season right now, and Tony asked me to read some scripts with him over the weekend in preparation for it. I was so utterly and completely honored and excited that he asked. It was so fun and exciting to get to see the scripts that could actually turn into hit tv shows. There were a couple I really liked. I was honoured, after we read the scripts he said how I got them and understood the beat and feel of them and was able to feed back to him and keep up with the pace on the cold read and everything. That's one of those special things that I will keep in my head in my little treasure trove of compliments that I really need and that I go back to when I'm feeling really down and shitty, like I am today.
Anyway, Monday we had a workshop with Faith Martin the casting director and it was really great. (Coincidentally, she does the Australian casting for all ABC pilots.) It was really inspiring; it had to do with a lot of the positive thinking things I believe in, and it helped with breaking down into action plans things I can be doing now to reach my goals. It reinforced positive thinking and the power of the brain; which reinforces that I shouldn't be typing these negative things and focusing on them, but hopefully once I get it out of my system I can get past it?
I had a scene I was really excited to do in class today, and it seemed like the teacher kind of hated it. I did it and it didn't feel at all great but not that terrible either, and he said how he couldn't see any merit in the scene, he didn't laugh, and he didn't see any point in doing it again. I did end up doing it again and it felt so crap; he said it was better though. The thing was that the second time talking about it afterward, he was talking about the beats and comic timing things I could have done with it. It was so sad and frustrating; the first time I felt like I had wasted a precious class time to 1, get to work on a scene I wanted to do and challenge and grow or at least have fun with, and 2, put it on tape in case it turned out to be useful. After the first time I thought the comic beats I had been so excited about were just pointless and didn't work in this setting, and then after the second time when he was talking about the physical comedy I had wanted to do all along I wanted to cry and I've been fighting it off all day. Not the biggest deal I know, and not something I should want to do, but oh well. It didn't help that lots of other people in class worked on multiple scenes, and usually I have like ten with me, (no joke, at least five, but sometimes more than ten,) and I'm trying to downsize and simplify and not be a bag lady so I didn't bring any other scripts. AUGH.
There was one other thing that really made me sad and disappointed before that, but I don't think I should write about it because you never know who could be reading this. Something I had been hoping and working for that I thought I had a chance at didn't happen, and I thought someone believed in me in a way it turns out they didn't. I suppose it's a lesson to grow my belief in myself, which is what I need the most.
I'm doubting my performance skills in so many areas, and I'm wondering if I am falling behind and losing my business and marketing skills, and taking the wrong path in life. I don't think I am, and I have truly believed without a doubt that I will reach my goals and win my Emmy for a comedy (that's just the first step,) but it's reasons like this the path of an actor is never an easy one.
I'm facing the biggest disease and enemy an actor can have - self doubt.
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