So I just finished Howard's Master Class today. It was exhausting and amazing. It wouldn't have been to exhausting as class was only from 9:30-5:30 each day with an hour lunch break and a few other coffee breaks, but I had work to do for work work on the new game show (have I written much about that...?) and freelance marketing work, and then with that and the scene work I was up till four in the morning last night.
What Howard was able to do and how he transformed a lot of the scenes was AMAZING. Like seriously; incredible and unbelievable the changes people had performing their scenes from the first to second time. I feel like I grew a lot as a performer; I still have soooo much to learn and do but a good basis has been set to move myself forward in my technique, and there are some new mantras to keep in mind!
I was pretty nervous; my scene was from Key Exchange and my partner Dave and I were the absolute last ones to go. Like LAST last. Augh; not what I would usually go for! I normally prefer to be at the beginning! I was a little in my head and judging myself at times and from moment to moment, but there were some good moments too. I want to speak in what I think of as "Howard language" now but I am going to try and avoid it for fear of misrepresenting what he teaches. He is so good, I don't want to put something out there and say it is his words and teachings if I don't communicate them in a clear way.
The feedback he gave me the first day was so positive. I have new belief in my skills and my acting talent. The part of me that is so overjoyed and excited by what he told me wants to write it on here for the world to see, but I also want to be humble and not brag; plus as he said things can get more stressful then because people expect more out of you and there is the fear of not living up to it and not performing truthfully and in the moment again.
It was definitely enjoyable and we found so much and had such a better understanding of the scene with just the little rework he did that first day. The next time we did it was just a few hours ago. Howard was so happy with the first performance I was soooo nervous wanting to do well again. There were some people that he didn't like their original performance and then changed his opinion of them and their acting after he worked with them a little and people could take on what he said; I didn't want to do the reverse!
I am learning to trust in myself and my abilities though. That is the biggest gift that he gave me. Doubts are still there but diminished a bit and I can keep putting them out, and as he said the doubts and nerves will always be there, I just need to learn how to deal with them and not let them get me into my head and hold me back.
Anyway, I worked hard today on following Howard's advice and taking the nerves and using them as excitement instead of a bad thing. I was happy I got better at getting my focus back on the scene and the real life of what was happening moment to moment instead of judging myself; when I did catch myself thinking about the audience or judging myself I could acknowledge that and then get back into the scene a lot faster. That is one of the strong areas of technique I want to work on.
So the first run went ok but I'm not super happy with it. Of course. I know I can't beat myself up though and I just have to take the experience and learn from it. I got very into it and our emotional connection and relationship was there; I was in tears big time close to sobbing. Umn, too bad at our critique I found out to what extent I went the wrong way and it was supposed to be a comedy! HA; go figure! :-p I love comedy and I always want it and crave it; then I'm given a comedy scene and I don't even know it!
Howard did say that exploration of the sadness was good though; (even if it was more of a soap opera!) So then it was getting the emotions in check and switching it all around and taking the comedy out. I wish I could have done it again and focused on the comedy more and thought about it from that aspect. Looking back Howard did point it in that direction after we did it the first time, I just didn't get it. :-p The class did laugh though, and I was happy with the ending; that felt great and right on with the impulses and that's where the class seemed to enjoy it the most as well!
Since we were last and we were already over on time we didn't get as much critique and feedback at the end; and that's where I'm disappointed and I'm trying not to go back and just trust that it was good in the moments I know were.
I know that I canNOT be focused on pleasing people and getting the approval of others; and that will be the death of me as a performer in SOOOOO many ways. That doesn't make it easy though! I felt like I got such a stamp of approval to begin with, I don't want to lose it or have him use white out on it! (Not that he would, but you know...) It's that whole thing now that it's over of wanting to go back and change things and do it better. I'm trying not to beat myself up though and just take the learning experience and move forward. I really hope that my acting today lived up to the first time though. Augh and then I get mad at myself because I'm trying to please people and push and pre-plan and all of that bad stuff! :-p
Anyway, thank you Howard Fine for coming out, and thank you MAA and Patrick for bringing him out! I am jealous of all of the Melbourne students just starting with him tomorrow, and I'm especially jealous of his students in LA who get to learn and grow with him on a regular basis.
I have to get ready for bed now; I have lots of work to make up from missing the course, I could keep going on though and I just have to mention that there were so many amazing people in my class I wish I had the opportunity to get to know better. People were so talented and supportive; it was really great. Also; Howard won't take any BS but he is definitely funny. :) One of my favorite examples: Actors are the only ones who will walk outside, see a tragic accident, and start analyzing "How do I FEEL about this?"
So true! Now I just have to stop worrying about how I feel and just live in life and in acting. (And stop worrying about details I should have written and didn't and things I should have said in class and didn't and did that I shouldn't have done and...augh; are all actor's heads as messed up as mine?!?)
What Howard was able to do and how he transformed a lot of the scenes was AMAZING. Like seriously; incredible and unbelievable the changes people had performing their scenes from the first to second time. I feel like I grew a lot as a performer; I still have soooo much to learn and do but a good basis has been set to move myself forward in my technique, and there are some new mantras to keep in mind!
I was pretty nervous; my scene was from Key Exchange and my partner Dave and I were the absolute last ones to go. Like LAST last. Augh; not what I would usually go for! I normally prefer to be at the beginning! I was a little in my head and judging myself at times and from moment to moment, but there were some good moments too. I want to speak in what I think of as "Howard language" now but I am going to try and avoid it for fear of misrepresenting what he teaches. He is so good, I don't want to put something out there and say it is his words and teachings if I don't communicate them in a clear way.
The feedback he gave me the first day was so positive. I have new belief in my skills and my acting talent. The part of me that is so overjoyed and excited by what he told me wants to write it on here for the world to see, but I also want to be humble and not brag; plus as he said things can get more stressful then because people expect more out of you and there is the fear of not living up to it and not performing truthfully and in the moment again.
It was definitely enjoyable and we found so much and had such a better understanding of the scene with just the little rework he did that first day. The next time we did it was just a few hours ago. Howard was so happy with the first performance I was soooo nervous wanting to do well again. There were some people that he didn't like their original performance and then changed his opinion of them and their acting after he worked with them a little and people could take on what he said; I didn't want to do the reverse!
I am learning to trust in myself and my abilities though. That is the biggest gift that he gave me. Doubts are still there but diminished a bit and I can keep putting them out, and as he said the doubts and nerves will always be there, I just need to learn how to deal with them and not let them get me into my head and hold me back.
Anyway, I worked hard today on following Howard's advice and taking the nerves and using them as excitement instead of a bad thing. I was happy I got better at getting my focus back on the scene and the real life of what was happening moment to moment instead of judging myself; when I did catch myself thinking about the audience or judging myself I could acknowledge that and then get back into the scene a lot faster. That is one of the strong areas of technique I want to work on.
So the first run went ok but I'm not super happy with it. Of course. I know I can't beat myself up though and I just have to take the experience and learn from it. I got very into it and our emotional connection and relationship was there; I was in tears big time close to sobbing. Umn, too bad at our critique I found out to what extent I went the wrong way and it was supposed to be a comedy! HA; go figure! :-p I love comedy and I always want it and crave it; then I'm given a comedy scene and I don't even know it!
Howard did say that exploration of the sadness was good though; (even if it was more of a soap opera!) So then it was getting the emotions in check and switching it all around and taking the comedy out. I wish I could have done it again and focused on the comedy more and thought about it from that aspect. Looking back Howard did point it in that direction after we did it the first time, I just didn't get it. :-p The class did laugh though, and I was happy with the ending; that felt great and right on with the impulses and that's where the class seemed to enjoy it the most as well!
Since we were last and we were already over on time we didn't get as much critique and feedback at the end; and that's where I'm disappointed and I'm trying not to go back and just trust that it was good in the moments I know were.
I know that I canNOT be focused on pleasing people and getting the approval of others; and that will be the death of me as a performer in SOOOOO many ways. That doesn't make it easy though! I felt like I got such a stamp of approval to begin with, I don't want to lose it or have him use white out on it! (Not that he would, but you know...) It's that whole thing now that it's over of wanting to go back and change things and do it better. I'm trying not to beat myself up though and just take the learning experience and move forward. I really hope that my acting today lived up to the first time though. Augh and then I get mad at myself because I'm trying to please people and push and pre-plan and all of that bad stuff! :-p
Anyway, thank you Howard Fine for coming out, and thank you MAA and Patrick for bringing him out! I am jealous of all of the Melbourne students just starting with him tomorrow, and I'm especially jealous of his students in LA who get to learn and grow with him on a regular basis.
I have to get ready for bed now; I have lots of work to make up from missing the course, I could keep going on though and I just have to mention that there were so many amazing people in my class I wish I had the opportunity to get to know better. People were so talented and supportive; it was really great. Also; Howard won't take any BS but he is definitely funny. :) One of my favorite examples: Actors are the only ones who will walk outside, see a tragic accident, and start analyzing "How do I FEEL about this?"
So true! Now I just have to stop worrying about how I feel and just live in life and in acting. (And stop worrying about details I should have written and didn't and things I should have said in class and didn't and did that I shouldn't have done and...augh; are all actor's heads as messed up as mine?!?)
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